


Hindsight

by cvioleta



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, beautiful golden fools, i don't trust the writers so here's my season 7.1 scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 13:18:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9609125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cvioleta/pseuds/cvioleta
Summary: Jaime returns to King's Landing to find that all hell has broken loose, but realizes he can't blame it all on his sister.  One-shot.  Set immediately after the Season 6 finale.





	

                 He followed her down the hallway toward her chambers, not saying a word.  They both knew better than to put on a show in public; any of their disagreements would be aired behind closed doors.  Their father had taught them well about how deadly showing any dissent in public could be.  It was like moving your shield aside so that the enemy had a clear shot at you.  He couldn’t hide his anger through, and closed the door a little too hard behind them.

                “What happened?”  Jaime’s voice was low and angry, but Cersei had dealt with him angry many times.  She looked him in the eyes, ever defiant. 

                “I had no choice.  Tommen was manipulated by the High Sparrow and he outlawed trial by combat.  You know what the outcome of a trial by the seven would have been.” 

                “I was on my way back! I would never have let them kill you.  And now Tommen is dead.”  Jaime paced the room, unable to contain his frustration at the turn of events.

                “I had no way of knowing you were on your way back. You did not send word.” 

                Cersei’s words cut deep.  It was true.  He hadn’t bothered.  He’d actually had a stupid moment of wanting to _surprise_ her with the successful outcome of his trip to Riverrun, to finally return home with some good news, instead of the corpse of one of their children.  

                He hadn’t bothered to tell her he was almost home, and she had taken action believing she was on her own.  And that action had set into motion a horrible chain of events.  He sat down and put his head in his hands. 

                At that, she softened and came to kneel beside him. 

                “I had Sir Gregor watching Tommen.  I kept him in the Red Keep until it was over. I thought he was safe. I…” her voice faltered.  “I should not have left him alone,” she whispered.

                He looked up and saw so much pain in her eyes that he felt it himself.

                _It was as much my fault as hers_ , he thought.  All of their children, gone.  Two of them killed while he watched and the third had thrown away his own life.  And he of all people should have seen it coming. He remembered the last time he and Tommen had spoken, when he had returned from Dorne and he was a mess of angry emotions…grieving Myrcella and livid about what Cersei had gone through in his absence.

> “They’re not putting your mother in a cell ever again. Not while I’m here. Why haven’t you gone to see her? Everything she endured, she did it for you.”  He had been harsh with the boy, but the harshness came from frustration.  Jaime could not stand that he had not been able to prevent them from imprisoning and torturing Cersei.   His own feelings of inadequacy, of failure, were more than he could bear.  
>    
>  “Don’t you think I know that?” Tommen sounded equally frustrated. “I’m sorry. But I can’t.”  
>    
>  “Why not?  
>    
>  “When the Faith Militant seized her and Margaery, what did I do? When they paraded her through the streets like a whore, what did I do?”  Jaime saw his own feelings reflected in his youngest son’s face and he remembered how young Tommen truly was.   
>    
>  “We all fail sometimes,” he told him.  
>    
>  “The king is supposed to be the Protector of the Realm. If I can’t even protect my own wife or my own mother, what good am I?”

Jaime hadn’t had a good answer for him then.  _Gods, I should have seen it coming_ , he thought.  The boy had practically drawn him a picture.  He felt the same powerlessness and frustration as his father, but lacked the perspective to see it as a temporary thing.  Jaime always had the foundation of the many battles won, the many triumphs of his past to fall back on but Tommen had…nothing.  Nothing but failures that culminated in the loss of the woman he loved.

                _Would I do differently if I lost Cersei?_   Jaime thought.  No. He could not judge.  Oblivion would be too appealing, despite the weakness inherent in that choice.

                They were gone, and he could do no more, but Cersei was here, and she needed him to be focused and strong, not wallowing in regret and remorse.

                “Come here.”  He pulled her up and drew her on to his lap, as he had not done in many years.  She put her arms around him and buried her face in his hair.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

                “It’s not your fault. I told you to go,” she murmured into his hair.

                “I won’t leave you again, even if you tell me to,” he told her, and felt her arms tighten on him. 

                Cersei was not one to admit weakness. She had never told him what it was truly like when she was imprisoned by the High Sparrow, preferring to shrug it off and pretend those days were nothing more than an annoyance, but he had heard from others how they left her sleeping in the cold with no blanket, starved her and barely gave her enough water to stay alive.  Cersei had been treated like a prisoner of war, in a way that would have broken many a strong man, but she had not broken.  _And she didn’t want my pity,_ Jaime thought, _so she minimized it._

                She was the strongest person he knew, and he could not fault her for what she had done.  The only other choice was to lie down and die, and nothing could be more against his sister’s nature – or his own.  They might indeed die, but they would die together, and they would go down fighting, as Lannisters should. 

                Cersei drew back her head and looked at him. Her eyes were wet. “I would die if I lost you.  I love you.”

                “You can’t lose me,” Jaime said, and it was the truth.  He pulled her face down to kiss her and for a few moments all the pain and the loss faded away and they were thirteen again, hiding in the forest where no one could see them and they could pretend they were the only two people in the world.    


End file.
